In this last year, I’ve learned so much about death, that it is no longer something that I would ever fear. It’s been a real blessing, to know that there is no such thing as “death”, just a transformation, an entry into the other world. In some ways, I did not really grieve Prince’s death, because to me, he was still alive in the energetic sense, he is only invisible in the material reality. I feel him, and he feels me. I still wish he could be here, and he does too. But as he would say, “but life ain’t always the way”, meaning life isn’t always what you want it to be.

A few weeks ago, I had a dream. Prince was in a hospital bed, he looked frail and slumped over. I went over to help him. The phone was ringing, I went to answer it. Nurses came and took him away. His jacket was folded up neatly on his bed. I opened it up, there was a gold pin that said “Prince” on it. I put on his jacket and found in the pockets, little containers full of pills. In the rest of the dream, I sat around waiting for him.

A little while ago, a video about opioids showed up on my YouTube feed, and I watched it. I haven’t watched any videos related to something like that, so I know that Prince has been re-arrranging my feed, and he wanted me to watch it. He wanted me to understand his struggles as a human (and why he left). There has been a lot of backlash about opioid drugs, doctors are afraid to prescribe it because of the potential liability associated with it. As result, many patients resort to different methods of obtaining these medications. These patients are not addicts, they are dependent on these drugs in order to retain any sense of normalcy in their lives. The side effects are unfortunate, but if you are living in constant pain, then you are not left with many options for treatment.

Many people still refuse to believe that he took such medications, or that he lived in pain. As his twin soul, I know that he would have kept such a thing as a secret (twin souls share the same mindset and behaviours). Because I do the same. I hide my pain and suffering from others. I hid my disability for many years through out my school years. I am not the type of person to complain about my health. We are the kind to play through the pain. Prince was good at keeping secrets, he was a Scorpio rising sign, the most secretive of all the signs.

There were signs that he was not doing well, they are there if you are willing to look with an open heart. He had been using a cane since the 1990’s. Sure, he made it look like a dapper accessory, but it served a function for him. Being a performer that toured as much as he did, is hard, physical work. People forget that and think it’s an easy life being a rock star. High heels, jumping off pianos, it is hard on the body, and his body (though beautiful) was a fragile one. Electric guitars are heavier than they look, my friend. As his twin, I’ve been on the receiving end of phantom pains throughout my life, shooting pains along my legs, hip and neck pains that would come and go. His last tour was just him and a piano, because it’s easier on the body to sit a piano than to play guitar. His style of dressing was also more easy going, less restrictive on the body, more casual. His hair grown out naturally, making it easier to maintain. An evolution of his style, yes, but mainly to make his life easier. He took whatever his circumstance was and made it work for him. He was in the middle of writing his memoirs when he left, because he knew he didn’t have long (but he thought he had more time).

I hope you can all come to this understanding of what life was like for him, so that you can stop being sad about his passing. He’s not really gone.

Image above: “You’re my best friend” by Prince in spirit.

©2017 by Andrea Mai. All rights reserved.